The Battle for Control: Resistance is Futile

"Resistance is Futile," The Borg said. Captain Picard and the rest of Star Fleet resisted anyway.

Starting from the day we are born, there are many things that we don't have control over. Many things that happen regardless of our consent. The most prominent of which is death. None of us get out of this life alive!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that most of us go through life begrudging what we can't change, resisting that which is truly futile.

A driver has zero control over other drivers, yet the driver becomes enraged by how others behave on the road. Why is that?

A gambler loses again and again playing a slot machine. When the money's gone he hits the machine and screams that it's not fair! The machine cheated him!! Where is his control?

A RPG round zips past the head of a Soldier and explodes 50 feet away. The Soldier, heart beating, is forced into the mode of fight or flight. What comes next? What should the Soldier do?

In all of these examples the individual initially had no control. Can drivers control other vehicles? Can gamblers control the odds of the game? Can a Soldier control the actions of enemy combatants?

No.

Then answer this. Do the individuals have control over how they react?

Technically, yes, but.

It is true that we have control over our reactions, however that control must be earned. It's a strength forged over the anvil of life requiring countless hours of study, contemplation, and implementation.

So, how have you forged your self control thus far in life?

The easy way to answer is to look at your reactions.

Now I'm not talking about the initial emotional reactions of fear, anger, happiness, or perhaps greed.

I'm talking about what you do next.

To react emotionally is natural. All life does this. However, to then exercise reason, analyzing the situation, and deciding how best to react is to be human. People who can't do this are closer to animals than humans.

We are capable of controlling how we react 

I think everyone is actually in control, regardless of whether they react positively of negatively. However, most people react poorly because they have trained themselves to react as such.

Their reaction is a product of their mental training and has already been decided. By the time they react, it's already too late. One must undergo significant preparation beforehand in order to react as desired. 

This isn't their fault and I don't judge them for it. This is life and most of us go through life like this to some degree or another.

Most of us learn by example. We are part of a society and learn from the society, whether the habits we seek to emulate are good or bad.

Schools of thought like philosophy and religion go a long way to help, but true progress is fought for. It cannot be given. It can only be taken by the individual. 

It starts by managing expectations. One must think about the situation beforehand and honestly layout the possible outcomes. 

For the angry driver, understand that firstly you don't have control over other drivers. Expect drivers to drive too fast and too slow and to not signal a turn and to not stop at signs or lights.  

When you drive, expect the worse. Why would it be any different. That is how some people drive. 

Realize that there be some drivers who don't do this, but can you honestly be surprised by what you'll see on the road tomorrow? No, you've seen it all before.

When you are driving and something happens, let's say you get cut off, ask yourself, in the long run does this really matter? In 4 hours when I take my lunch break, will it matter?  Next year, will I even remember being cut off?

Getting cut off doesn't matter. Breath man! Breath and move on.

For the angry gambler, you know that the odds are with the house. Yes, someone gets lucky every once in a while, but eventually the house always wins. Also, you might be addicted to gambling and it's influence on your emotional health may be negative. 

Gambling like many things is neutral, neither good nor bad. It can be a negative activity in your life however, base on your relationship with it. Gambling can be a dangerous and destructive addiction to many of us. 

To the Soldier, duck and cover man. Flight or Fight is a normal initial reaction during a fire fight.  And perhaps this is a perfect example that we can and should employ preparation and training so that we react as we desire. 

A Soldier must go through intensive training and drills so that he knows how and is able to react appropriately. Even then, even the best trained individual can find themselves lock up in a flight mode. 

Like a Soldier, all of us need to train and prepare for the areas in our lives in which we feel that we don't react well. Again, it's not that we don't have self control, it's that we trained ourselves to react differently. 

In the thick of things, you will always fall back on your training. 

“We don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.”

― Archilochus

This isn't easy. Life isn't easy.

If you want the stronger self control, if you want to think and reason, you must work at it. And it takes years to learn. It takes a lifetime to master.

Closing thoughts 

I hope you've learned something from my ramblings today. The ramblings of an old man looking back on life while planning on how to live a better one going forward.

Those three examples; driving, gambling, and being a Soldier; they weren't randomly chosen. Those are problems that I have struggled with in my life and I've largely been successful in forging my desired reactions in all three examples.

It didn't happen overnight, and thankfully my time as a Soldier is behind me, but regardless of the examples I chose to write about, the concept of control is important to understand.

What control do we actually have in life? I've come to realize that the only control I have, is how I react to the hand I've been dealt. And the only way to react in a constantly positive way, is to learn how to play the game.

Nothing in life is free, neither is control without preparation and implementation. And nothing in life happens overnight. An apple seed won't produce an apple in one season. It must be planted and cared for and it takes times.

So too do our habits (our reactions) take time to hone. It takes understanding. It takes contemplation. It takes managing our expectations. It takes repetition.

That's it for today!

You're looking at a dead man!

- Daft Sage